He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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