dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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