wat bout pragnant strippers??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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