She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
