For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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