Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i barfeds in our rink
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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