In the future we'll all be gay
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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