the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
