So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
