He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
