God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
