The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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