I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
