just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
