If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
