am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
