if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
