Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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