I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
