I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
