hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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