I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
