So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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