You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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