my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize