Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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