Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
