I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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