My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
