nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
