I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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