New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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