He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
