We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
