Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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