did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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