it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
