She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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