I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
