He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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