babies were throwing up all over the place
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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