So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i think i have two assholes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
