he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't notice because vodka
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
