someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
