Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
