Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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