Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No subtext here. People are naked.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
