i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
