its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
