It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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