i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
