we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
